In April, 2004 I suffered the loss of my first pregnancy due to miscarriage.  In July, 2004 I found out I was pregnant again and the emotions and depression started right off.  I was not happy in my pregnancy and resented my baby for even existing.  I hated my entire pregnancy and yet at the same time I loved my baby with all my heart and at the slightest sign of anything being wrong I was in the doctor's office, yet I still resented her existing.  This was the first indication anyone had of something being wrong with me mentally, by the time I was 7 months pregnant I was ready to end my life, though I had yet to do anything in that way.  I again when to the doctor and broke down in his office, telling him about how horrible I was, I let everythin out to him.  I was then diagnosed with Antepartum Depression, very common rarly diagnosed, and often misdiagnosed.  That day I was put on the anti-depressant Lexapro.  I am not going to say that every thing was instantly better, it wasn't, I still suffered but not to the extent as before the meds, though it took a week for them to really make a difference.

I went on to have a beautiful little girl in March, 2005, and then went into PPD.